HueyFreeManFTW

Ok it's been forever since I wrote in this thing but I just realized this about myself, every year I seem to be obsessed with someone new. This year I am back on El-Hajj Malik El-Shabazz more commonly known as Malcolm X. I just read his autobiography and something touched a nerve. Before I continue I don't want to make it seem like I am comparing myself to one of the greatest leaders to walk the earth but I found that we had similar a back ground and ideology but that's not the point of this entry. What really bugged me out was when he went to Mecca he had somewhat of a revelation. He said as far back as he could remember he would always daydream about him speaking in front of large crowds, as a child and while incarcerated he would imagine himself doing this. Why this hits me is that ever since I was a child I did the same thing and as I got older I honestly started to believe and now fully believe that I am not only capable but destined to do something great with my life. Now it is easy for someone to say that I have accomplished more than I probably should have already BUT I think my current accomplishments have taken me off the path of greatness. I remember when I was in high school and in college I ran shit I knew everyone and was either respected feared or loved by anyone who I met. I had mentees and others who just looked up to me and aspired to accomplish what I already had accomplished. NOW I am an accounting geek that no one pays any mind to.

I wish I had the courage to leave this safe world and go out and do what I feel I was born to do.

ok so i came up with this idea last night and although i would love to live my life this way i dont think i would ever get anywhere with it because i am so damn fickle.

But I am going to try.

so here is my new way of living. Everyday or a couple times a month if everyday is to much work for you, take a minute (most likely an hour or so i did it during my 3 hour commute yesterday morning) and analyze your life think of how the people you know best view you, every part of you positive and negative and ask yourself if this was my last day on earth what would you want these people to remember about you, what would you wish you could change, and the things in life that you dont have that you wish you did. once you realize that try to live the rest of that day or if done at night, the next day according to the answers to those questions.

ok i know i sound like a mess right now but i am at work and i should be doing more productive things than writing live journal entries if i remember i will try to expand later

Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!

if you cant figure what its about feel free to inquire


Retrospect For Lif (feat. Lauryn Hill) Lyrics



Yo, we gotta start respectin life more y'all
You look at your brother man you gotta see yourself
Gotta see the God within him
Brothers gettin changed real quick over nothin
We losin too many of ours
Gotta recreate y'all
Yo, check it

Knowin you the best part of life, do I have the right to take yours
Cause I created you, irresponsibly
Subconciously knowin the act I was a part of
The start of somethin, I'm not ready to bring into the world
Had myself believin I was sterile
I look into mother's stomach, wonder if you are a boy or a girl
Turnin this woman's womb into a tomb
But she and I agree, a seed we don't need
You would've been much more than a mouth to feed
But someone, I woulda fed this information I read
to someone, my life for you I woulda had to leave
Instead I lead you to death
I'm sorry for takin your first breath, first step, and first cry
But I wasn't prepared mentally nor financially
Havin a child shouldn't have to bring out the man in me
Plus I wanted you to be raised within a family
I don't wanna, go through the drama of havin a baby's momma
Weekend visits and buyin J's ain't gon' make me a father
For a while bearing a child is somethin I never wanted to do
For me to live forever I can only do that through you
Nerve I got to talk about them niggaz with a gun
Must have really thought I was God to take the life of my son
I could have sacrificed goin out
To think my homies who did it I used to joke about, from now on
I'ma use self control instead of birth control
Cause t'ree hunderd 'n' fi'teen dolla's ain't worth your soul
t'ree hunderd 'n' fi'teen dolla's ain't worth your soul
t'ree hunderd 'n' fi'teen dolla's ain't worth it

[Lauryn Hill (two layers of vocals, same words)]
I, never dreamed you'd leave, in summer
You said you would be here when it rained
[Common] Yo
Why didn't you stay

Seeing you as a present and a gift in itself
You had our child in you, I probably never feel what you felt
But you dealt with it like the strong black woman you are
Through our trials and tribulations, child's elimination
An intergration of thoughts I feel about the situation
Back and forth my feelings was pacin
Happy deep down but not joyed enough to have it
But even that's a lie in less than two weeks, we was back at it
Is this unprotected love or safe to say it's lust
Bustin, more than the sweat in somebody you trust
Or is it that we don't trust each other enough
And believe, havin this child'll make us have to stay together
Girl I want you in my life cause you have made it better
Thinkin we all in love cause we can spend a day together
We talkin spendin the rest of our lives
It's too many black women that can say they mothers
but can't say that they wives
I wouldn't chose any other to mother my understanding
But I want our Parenthood to come from Planning
It's so much in my life that's undone
We gotta see eye to eye, about family, before we can become one
If you had decided to have it the situation I wouldn't run from
But I'm walkin, findin myself in my God
So I can, discipline my son with my writin
Not have a judge tellin me how and when to raise my seed
Though his death was at our greed, with no one else to blame
I had a book of Afrikan names, case our minds changed
You say your period hasn't came, and lately I've been sleepy
So quit smokin the weed and the beadies and let's have this boy

[Lauryn Hill]
I, never dreamed you'd leave in summer
You said you would be here when it rained
You said you would be here when it rained
Ohh I, never dreamed you'd leave in summer
Now the situation's made things change
Things change
Why, didn't you stay
Why didn't you stay...
I, never dreamed you'd leave, in summer
In summer
You said you would be here when, it rained
When it rained, it rained
Ohhhohh I, never dreamed, you'd leave in summer
You said you wouldn't leave
Now the situation's made things change
Things change, why didn't you stay?
Stay, stay stay stay stay stay stay
Mmmmm, stayyy
Uh-uh
Ohh why didn't you stay..

"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?
Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin.
I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)

Oh now I do recall, we were just getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it, look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

ok i am at work and instead of being productive i was just watching videos on yahoo, this is going to sound nuts but for some reason the more i listen the more i read the angrier i get with the fact that someone actually murdered tupac. Ok i know what poeple may be thinking i must be crazy but i dont think that i am with every book read, every song hard, i learn more and have more insight on what a great man he was, its always sad to hear of someone to go before their time but it hurts more when that person had the potential to influence the world in a positive manner. He was taken from his friends, family, and fans before he reached his prime. 10 yrs after death he still is making some contributions imagine if someone didnt steal his time on earth the world would probably a much different place. Rest In Peace Tupac Amaru Shakur. i know i posted this song before but it was the video that got me thinking

Until The End Of Time

Perhaps I was addicted to the dark side
Somewhere inside my childhood witnessed my heart die
And even though we both came from the same places
The money and the fame made us all change places
How could it be - through the misery that came to pass
The hard times make a true friend afraid to ask - for currency
But you could run to me when you need and I'll never leave
Honestly, someone to believe in,this shit we see
It's a small thang to a troop, what could I do?
Real homies help you get through
And come to know he'd do the same thang if he could
'Cos in the hood true homies make you feel good
And half the times we be actin' up call the cops
Bringin' the cease to the peace that was on my block
It never stops, when my mama ask me will I change
I tell her yeah, but it's clear I'll always be the same
Until the end of time

take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

Please Lord forgive me for my life of sin
My hard stare seem to scare all my sister's kids
So you know, I don't hang around the house much
This all night, money making got me outta touch, shit
Ain't flashed a smile in a long while
An unexpected birth worst of the ghetto childs
My attitude got me walkin' solo, ride out alone in my lo-lo
Watchin' the whole world move in slow-mo
For quiet times disappear, listen to the ocean
Smokin 'Ports, think my thoughts, then it's back to coastin'
Who can I trust in this cold world?
My phony homey had a baby by my old girl
But I ain't trippin' I'm a player I ain't sweatin' him
I sex his sister, had her mumblin' like a Mexican
His next of kin, no remorse it was meant to happen
Besides rappin' the only thing I did good was scrappin'
Until the end of time

So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

Now who's to say if I was right or wrong?
To live my life as an Outlaw all along
Remain strong in this planet full of player haters
They conversate but Death Row full of demonstrators
And in the end drinkin' Heneessy made all my enemies envy me
So cold when I flow eliminatin' easily
Falls to they knees, they plead for they right to breath
While beggin' me to keep the peace (haha)
What I can see closer to achieve
In times of danger don't freeze, time to be a G
Follow my lead I'll supply everything you need
An ounce of game and the trainin' to make a G
Remember me, as an outcast Outlaw
Another album out, that's what I'm about, more
Gettin' raw 'til the day I see my casket
Buried as a G while the whole world remembers me
Until the end of time

So take, these broken wings
I need your hands to come and heal me once again
(Until the end of time)
So I can fly away, until the end of time
Until the end of time
Until the end of time

for all those who dont understand he is not speaking about his own children, he is speaking about hood kids in general




To my unborn child..
To my unborn child.. in case I don't make it
Just remember daddy loves you
[talking in background]
To my unborn child..
To my unborn..

[2Pac]
Now ever since my birth, I've been cursed since I'm born to wild
in case I never get to holla at my unborn child
Many things learned in prison, blessed and still livin
Tryin to earn every penny that I'm gettin, and reminiscin
to the beginnin of my mission
When I was conceived, and came to be in this position
My momma was a Panther loud, single parent but she proud
when she witnessed baby boy rip a crowd
To school, but I dropped out, and left the house
Cause my mama say I'm good for nothin, so I'm out
Since I only got one life to live, God forgive me for my sins
Let me make it and I'll never steal again, or deal again
My only friend is my misery
Wantin revenge for the agony they did to me
See my life ain't promised but it'll sure get better
Hope you understand my love letter, to my unborn child

[Chorus: sung, with 2Pac ad libs]
I'm writing you a letter
This is to my unborn child
Wanna let you know I love you
Love you, if you didn't know I feel this way
How I, think about you every day
I have so much to say

[2Pac]
So complicated to escape fate
And you can never understand 'til we trade places
Tell the world I plea guilty to bein anxious
Ain't no way in hell, that I could ever be rapist
It's hard to face this, cold world on a good day
When will they let the little kids in the hood play?
I got shot five times but I'm still breathin
Livin proof there's a God if you need a reason
Can I believe in my own fate
Will I raise my kids in the right, or the wrong way?
Dear mama I'm a man now
I wanna make it on my own, not a handout
Make way for a whirlwind prophesized
I wanna go in peace.. when I gotta die
On these cold streets, ain't no love, no mercy, and no friends
In case you never see my face again
To my unborn child

[Chorus]

[2Pac]
Dear Lord can you hear me, tell me what to say
to my unborn seed in, case I pass away
Will my child get to feel love
Or are we all just cursed to be street thugs? Cause bein black hurts
And even worse if you speak first
Livin my life as an Outlaw, what could be worse?
Cause maybe if I tried to change
Who I'm kiddin? I'ma thug 'til I die, I'ma rider mayne
Touch bases, eat lunch at plush places
Regular criminal oasis awaits us
If there's a ghetto for true thugs, I'll see you there
And I'm sorry for not bein there
Just know your daddy was a soldier, me against the world
Bless the boys, and all my little girls
To the Lord I'm eternal, restin in peace
Please take care of all my seeds, to my unborn child

[Chorus - repeat to fade]

[2Pac over Chorus]
To my unborn child.. please take of all my kids
My unborn child.. to my unborn child
This letter goes out to.. to the seeds that I might not get to see
cause of this lifestyle
Just know that your daddy loves you, got nuttin but love for you
All I wanted was for you have a better life than I did
That's why I was out here on a twenty-four hour 365 grind
When you get to be my age you'll understand
Just know I got love for you
And I'll see you up there in the ghetto heaven
Cause ghetto heaven gotta be there.. haha, take care
Run wild, but be smart
Follow the rules of the game
I know that sometimes it's confusin
The rules of the game is gonna get you through it, all day everyday
Watch out for these snakes and fakes, friends comin down the way..

ok i rarely use lj anymore but i just wanted to leave a random entry, today i was looking through my contacts on my phone and i have a texas number in there with the name of LA LA i really have no idea who this is and the only reason it bothers me is that my phone is relatively new so i would have had to speak to this person in the last month or so, or maybe someone borrowed my phone and saved it but i never lend my phone to anyone, La La who the hell are you? I hope its not some fat married chick I tried to pick up drunk one night and now have no recollection because I was to twisted, maybe she is pregnant now and I have a bastard love child on the way from the president of the two ton club, or maybe she is stripper that I tip so well she gave me her number so we could hook up later and I could give her more money in exchange for a life long burning case of the happies, or even worse she can give me a hi5, ok these are all jokes but unless someone else placed that number in my phone all that weed I consumed in high school is starting to affect my memory

people were telling the truth when they said being a home owner is expensive but I guess its worth it at the end of the day, I have been in such a blah mood lately although I love them women get on my nerves so sentimental and emotionally weak but I guess that’s something I need to learn to deal with my first week of work has come and gone it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but its still something I couldn’t see myself doing for the rest of my life or even more than 4/5 yrs. I always have these random thoughts and one that has been clouding my mind is "can you ever get over someone you were truly in love with?" I don’t know but more and more I am thinking you cant I mean I have gotten over people before but I charge that to being young and not really being in love with them an example would be my now married ex I honestly believe that I was more infatuated with her than in love cause once I finished shedding my pathetic tears for her I really never thought about her again and I moved on to who I believe my first true love was and although her and I have been broken up for almost four years she is forever in my mind (NO I DONT WANT TO BE WITH HER) I am always concerned for her well being and even though we had a horrible break up I wish for nothing but good things for her and honestly cherish everyday we were together its crazy how things turn out if orientation didn’t need a last minute leader kc and I would have never got together if jt wasn’t so stubborn we would probably still be together and if not at least close friends cause we never had a reason not to be good with each other if the case study had been anywhere not worth going to I would have never joined the national competition and as a result would have never ended up with my trini also if trini wasn’t so miserable in the summer I would have probably never been interested I know that sounds crazy but I honestly wanted to help her get over him and in a weird sort of way I think I contributed a small part of her moving on. any way the point of all this is that I care about all these people so much and although jt would deny it I am sure the feeling is reciprocated and I know with the other two it is all this leaves me with a sense of responsibility to them well not jt anymore but its a responsibility I don’t want because I know one day the time will come when I will have to leave at least one of them and that is going to leave the other devastated and they can try to deny it if they want but its true there is no way to make everyone happy and that’s all I want to do

today is me second day of work and i must say i really dislike working it is such a waste of time i mean aside from getting money i really am not doing anything to benefit society i am a waste of space as of yesterday and its making me sick, i always talk about what i want to do with my life and i take for ever to start it i thinkn i will try to start my auto biography today at work cause i have absolutely nothing else to do